Can I be pansexual and demisexual

Demisexual: Why you might be without knowing it

Sexuality has many faces and facets. And that's good. Today you can decide more freely how and whom you love or not.

Whether straight, homosexual or bi, intersex or transgender - sexuality is as individual as the person himself. In addition to the more familiar sexual orientations, there are also terms that are still new to many. This also includes demisexuality.

What demisexual means and why many people do not even know that they are demisexual, we explain to you here.

In advance in the video: What does it mean to be asexual?

Video from the editorial team

What does it mean to be demisexual?

Demi comes from French and means "halfway" (from French demi = half). Demisexual means literally translated: half sexual, the other half asexual.

Those who are demisexual do not generally have a sexual attraction to other people. Only when the person has a strong emotional bond with someone else does he feel the desire to have sex.

Sex without feelings, such as one-night stands with people you don't know, is inconceivable for demisexuals. The whole thing is neither cultivated nor imposed nor a defect, it is just like that.

Demisexual: Between asexuality and sexuality

Of course there is no exact "middle" between sexual and asexual. Therefore, demisexuality basically falls into the spectrum of asexuality. But this spectrum is wide. There is not only black or white, asexual or sexual, but there are also many gray areas in between.

By the way, there are several terms for this gray area between asexuality and sexuality: gray-asexual, gray-A, grace, gray-asexual, semisexual. The term A_sexuality is also popular. (For those of you who are interested, there is a neat graphic about the various facets of sexual orientation published by the US Huffington Post.)

So we have to stop thinking in schemes and get used to the fact that the familiar terminology does not always reflect reality.

Also read: To ask? What you should know about homosexuality in women

Demisexual people: Neither frigid nor prudish

There are certainly quite a few people who are demisexual, but did not even know that there was a term for it. Who might think they were less instinctual than others, late bloomers and sexually disinterested.

Demisexuality is not about being reserved, frigid or prudish, or about not feeling like having sex at all. Rather, one only feels the desire for physical closeness when there is a deeper base to the other person. And that is certainly the case with some people.

Also important: Demisexuality is not about saving up for the right person, abstaining in any way or not having sex before marriage, for example.

Demisexuality has nothing to do with religion or a conviction, but is the completely natural sexual feeling without external constraints.

Also read: Test: Am I really bisexual or just curious?

Physicality: Yes, but later

If you get to know someone as a demisexual person, then physical attraction does not initially play a role, but rather things like common interests, understanding, humor - how someone ticks.

Thoughts about sex and being physically attracted are not (yet) present at this point. That comes later, when the feeling of emotional connection comes along. Friendship and love may therefore not always be clearly separable or are very close to one another.

Also read: Strong women: Two of Germany's next top model candidates come out as trans

Demisexual: Dating without the tingling sensation

For demisexual people, there is no sex without emotional closeness, without familiarity. And that means that demisexual people do not have the tingling sensation that many people experience when flirting and dating.

There are many people who can barely keep their fingers to themselves and have to touch the other on a date because they find them so attractive. It doesn't matter to demisexuals, simply because they don't feel this at all - at least not at this point in time.

Eroticism and sex take a back seat

Demisexual people also find it difficult to talk about sex, eroticism and sexual gender characteristics. You don't find anyone easy either so sexy. It all feels strange to her.

And for some it is therefore not clear whether they are sexually interested in men or women. Sex is just not at the top of the list of things that are important to them in a person. It is much more important to them that the chemistry is right and that people understand, inspire and deal with each other spiritually.

Also read: Man, woman - it doesn't matter: What each of us should know about transgender people

Self-test: am I demisexual?

If you found yourself on many points while reading the article, it is possible that you are demisexual too.

To make it clearer for yourself whether you could be demisexual, the following questions and the subsequent test can also help. If you answer all of the questions with no, this indicates that you are demisexual:

  • Have I ever felt drawn to a stranger?
  • Are there celebrities / celebrities that I find physically attractive?
  • Do I sometimes have sexual fantasies that are not about the person I love?
  • Have I ever had sex with someone I didn't love?
  • Is sex an important part of the relationship for me?
  • Do I have a hard time not having sex for a long time?
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Tip: Information, support and like-minded people can also be found here at and at the AktivistA association.