What is it to be a lesbian
Am i a lesbian How to find out!
You don't find guys nearly as interesting as the other girls in your clique? You notice that something is different and ask yourself the question “Am I a lesbian?” And if so: what now?
We were looking for answers to these questions - Rita Braaz and Miriam Vath from the LeTRa lesbian advice center in Munich answered our questions in an interview.
What does homosexual mean?
The term describes the (physical) love for the same sex. Men are gay, women are lesbian. The opposite of homosexual is heterosexual. Someone who finds both sexes sexually attractive is called a bisexual designated.
"Am I a lesbian?" This is how you can tell that you are a lesbian!
Ms. Vath answers with a counter-question that makes you think: "How do I know that I'm straight?". Homosexuality is still not social normality - otherwise this question would not have to be asked. But: "It has something to do with where I look, what I notice and what turns me on. And above all: when, where and how I fall in love."she adds. At least that is the case with some, other girls in the pre-coming-out phase only notice that something is different, which they cannot name exactly. The answer usually comes with the first tingling sensation in your stomach. But a test can also give you a little information about it if you are unsure.
Is it just a phase?
“Of course it can be a phase that will pass. Sometimes it is also the case that there is a very close and intense relationship with your best friend and you may feel attracted in a different way. Sometimes that goes away again. And that doesn't have to lead to a lesbian way of life. But: It can also be that it is simply suppressed. Life is not always a straight path. ", notes Rita Braaz.
There is a lot in between -between being lesbian and straight. "Our approach to counseling is that we do not explain to the girls," You are a lesbian, remember it and don't forget it! ", says Rita Braaz. "Above all, it is important to really look after them: What are the wishes, needs and how can the girl or young woman live up to these needs. That is a big step for many girls, but nevertheless many take it."
Am I normal when I'm a lesbian?
Do I have to cut my hair now and think boys are stupid just because I'm into women? Should I tell my family or should I keep silent? Questions like this could probably be on your mind right now. We can reassure you: Such thoughts are completely normal and your first uncertainty is completely natural. But: You are exactly the same person you were before and accordingly do not have to change just because you are now aware that you are a lesbian. Just keep being yourself!
Prejudice against lesbians
It is still the case that most parents get a shock when their own daughter says "I'm a lesbian". Unfortunately, there is still a lot of prejudice against lesbians. Why is that?
“It's okay that the neighbor Toni is gay. The gays are so nice. A few clichés are then often unpacked. ", explains Miriam Vath. But when it comes to your own living environment, it looks completely different again. "In fact, the full range of prejudices that is called 'I wanted a different life for you' is often unpacked." Whereby the first shock does not mean that the parents or friends turn away permanently.“There is no guarantee that things will go well. And often there is simply a development. A first shock, a rejection by the parents does not mean that it will be like this forever. "
In such a situation it often helps to keep in mind how long it took you yourself to have inner clarity. Miriam Vath knows that such a journey can take a long time: "So from this feeling 'something is different' to 'Aha, I'm a lesbian!' until 'I'm going outside'. " This helps to be more indulgent with parents and friends or to arm yourself a bit beforehand. So that one can say: “Okay, it wasn't any different for me. Because I was prejudiced, because I had pictures, because I didn't want to be different. It wasn't easy for me to accept being a lesbian for me. "
If you encounter rejection among friends and family, it is of course tough at first. Supports have broken away in life and now you have to see what is still there. And ask you "What is good for me?", "Who is standing by me?", "What do I need now?". At the beginning it is just a small wobbly island, but when there is a bit of security again, then you can look step by step how it can go on. "Just make sure that YOU are fine!"is the most important message from the LeTRa consultants.
"Being lesbian is a disease", "In lesbian relationships there is always one of the 'men'", "Lesbians Must Have Short Hair", "Lesbians think men are stupid". - The list of prejudices and stupid sayings is long. "This is not said that often these days, but it is sometimes still in the mind.", knows Miriam Vrath. On the other hand, lesbian girls themselves also have prejudices about their own sexuality. That has to do with upbringing and conditioning. “There are enough women who say 'I'm a lesbian' and see it as sick themselves. And there needs to be a way to get over it. ", emphasizes Rita Braaz.
How do I deal with my coming out?
How can such a path look like? There are many different ones - one can be to take part in a coming-out group like the one offered by LeTRa. But you can also try to speak openly with friends and family about your feelings and try to convey your insecurities to them. So you can find a way together how you can find your way after your coming out. There are also forums on the internet where you can anonymously discuss your experiences.
Be sure: you are not alone!
If you are afraid that others may reject you for being a lesbian, try to think positively. Be sure that you are not alone and that your thoughts about coming out and all the fears associated with it have already been experienced by others! Therefore, look forward to and concentrate on your future, because from now on many things will become easier for you. The LGBTQ community is incredibly open and always happy to meet new people like you.
Look for people who will support you when you come out
Your feelings are currently intense and can even intimidate and overwhelm you. This is a normal reaction because you are evolving - and this is often accompanied by some kind of pain. When it comes to your coming out, you can look for people to support you. Self-help groups, forums or even series and books that deal with the coming out show you a different perspective and can motivate you to take the step.
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