When did you realize that small things are important?
3 women 3 opinions- when did you realize you were doing something wrong?
When did you notice that it no longer works? That you can't go on like this anymore? You suddenly realized that it was up to you and not the other person. You have to change something, accept yourself, in order to finally move on properly for yourself and your life.
There is this moment in every woman's life when she realizes what needs to be done. Even if we have invested a lot of time and energy in a path, a person or a dream, this aha-effect comes. The switch flips and finally you can see clearly and recognize that it was simply your own behavior. The attitude towards life, or the dull life with something that you actually don't want at all.
3 women 3 opinions. When did you realize you were doing something wrong?
Woman number 1, 33 years old, lost 35 pounds in 16 months. She realized something that she wasn't aware of before.
Ok where do i start? We should all love each other as we are. I haven't done exactly that for five or six years, but I only know that now. Because, like many of the other women who don't conform to the norm, especially in relation to their bodies, I was very good at telling myself things and excuses. For a while, I was actually doing really well with certain thoughts and behaviors. I was not missing anything, I was alive and enjoying it. At least that's what I always thought. As the saying goes: "What the farmer doesn't know ... he can't miss it". This is especially true of me. Because until six years ago I was the fun-loving fat man for others. The one that was always a little too loud and too wide. Until then, not bad, but until then only half the story. I can only speak for myself, but after gaining double that in four years, there wasn't much happiness when the door closed behind me.
Only when no one was looking and I stuffed everything back into myself out of frustration and also out of the awareness that I had no discipline. Just unhealthy stuff, sweet, sour, salty.
The main thing is to numb the feeling, not to let go of the feeling that I have been trying to say for a long time that something is wrong.
You are no longer happy the way you are now. I got fatter and fatter, going up stairs, walking for a long time, sitting in a sunny spot, shopping, constantly walking from office to office became more and more difficult. My inner thighs rubbed sore in summer and winter.
I had pain, I was lonely and got fatter and fat. But I didn't want to admit it. I thought I was happy, I thought the salad in the canteen would make up for the mountains of sweets in my drawer. I didn't think it was because of me that I was always tired and listless. It took me four years and a staff outing with follow-up reporting to understand what I was doing wrong: I was no longer paying attention to myself. I've injured my body, fed bad things en masse on purpose to numb my emotions. Until, yes, until I saw the group picture online afterwards. There I was, clearly visible. A big blob, no more contours on the face, just the narrow lips drawn down.
I was frightened, angry at the picture and at the others, but above all at myself. I've taken so much time to wait to live. It was my fault that I hadn't realized how unhappy I was. I wanted to change that, but I didn't know how. I needed help and I got it. I began to get my thoughts and feelings off my mind with medical help, went back out more, joined a nutrition group, and had been going to the swimming pool for ten years. That's how it all started and I'm far from finished.
I was fat, but only because I wanted to eat away all of my frustration. For me it's not about being slim or wearing size 34, much more about being able to enjoy life and being healthy. I definitely wasn't that anymore two years ago, but I'm continuing on my way.
Woman number two, 28 years old. She studies, has arrived at work and has always decided to look for happiness in others.
I was in a bad mood most of the time. Do you know those old little ladies with humpbacks and nagging singsong? I could have ended like this. At least now I have the feeling that I was no longer far from a strange something that scares everyone else without understanding it. I was disgruntled and started every morning with thoughts like "God ... I have to go back to work, a brat is screaming on the train and the coffee is way too expensive". On the face of it, I hated everything that got in my way. Thoughts, people, hurdles, gyms, meeting friends, moving, noisy colleagues.
The list was long and I never really knew why but letting off steam seemed like the best solution. I was loud, harsh, and often sad deep inside me. Because somehow I couldn't understand why my colleagues never asked me for a beer after work, friends rarely called and my family always tried to cheer me up.
I was fine!
No. It wasn't like that. I was incredibly unhappy, I just couldn't find an outlet to let it out and then see what drives my displeasure and resentment. Until I got a new boss, who asked for an interview after two weeks and suggested that I change my attitude, not bully everyone and, above all, stop frightening the trainees.
That sat. Sixteen year olds were afraid of me. No respect, no admiration for my work or my style, just pure fear. Because I had become toxic, because I was constantly giving out nagging glances. I was sitting in the train on the way home and howled so loudly and so fervently for the first time in years that a circle formed around me that I was eyed with strange looks and was glad to only sob three for stops on the train have to. At home I stood in the hallway and saw a person in the mirror whom I no longer recognized myself. I suddenly hated myself. I never wanted to be the way I was now. I didn't want to step on anyone's feet all the time, let out my bad mood and kill every mood. But that was me.
I want to change that.
That has to stop.
Am I a better person now, six months later? I dont know. I just know how hard it is to start changing Because for me that meant first straightening out all the deep trenches and verbal accidents. To apologize. To stand up for being shit. It's tough, but also liberating in the end. I didn't expect any pity or great tears of joy, but the feedback was good for me and my positive development, apart from two major setbacks. I think I'm on my way.
For two weeks now, I've been having a beer with my colleagues every Thursday and campaigning for the trainees. I go to weight training and scream out all of my fears and anger. Until now, I still don't know how I could become such a person. I'm just doing everything right now to ensure that it is no longer me.
Woman number 3, 27 years old, recently divorced for two weeks and officially happy for the first time.
Here we go. Restart. Everything at the beginning, and yes, it was my decision. Because I failed to make up my mind once in my life. Now I could stop writing because that's the sentence that makes it all. This thought describes me and the problems I had in a nutshell. I never decided on something because I wanted it, but because it was meant to be.
Wonderful. It's the year 2018 and I'm the fool who hasn't understood that life is in your own hands? Yes, that's right. I thought it was important to fall in love at 16 and be loyal to the man forever, no matter what. To go to work, have a child, and be happy with all the decisions right after your training. Because it was my decision.
No. Unfortunately they never were.
It was always other people's wishes and dreams. My family, my ex husband, my friends, my colleagues. I can't blame them, they only wanted the best for me and since I could never make up my mind, never did anything without being asked and always dutifully fulfilled everything that was suggested or commissioned, I went along with them. The choice of profession, the marriage, the child, the house. And then I was unhappy.
Suddenly a big black hole opened up. I was done with everything that others wanted, worked for or wished for. In doing so, I forgot that none of this made me happy and, above all, wasn't my damn wish. I've missed the chance to say no, break free and make mistakes. I waited, let the others do it and never resisted or felt uncomfortable. I just didn't feel anything. I worked. Everything went on like this until it turned black and I had to break free.
My mistake was not to look after myself. To learn what I want to hear and to give me time to learn more about myself and my wishes.
This insight came late. Very late on some December night. I was lying next to my husband, the child was slumbering between the two of us and I suddenly knew that I had to get out of here.
I did that the next morning. Above all, my decision made my husband and family look stupid. But I wanted out. I took the kids and looked for an apartment and a new job in town and am just starting to live.
It's incredibly tough, but it feels like life. After my life. I love my child and I don't regret becoming a mother. My only regret is that I waited far too long and entered a life I didn't want. But maybe it's never too late for a change in life?
Of course it's difficult now, but I was already feeling tired and I don't want that anymore.
When did you realize you were doing something wrong?
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