Make a mistake about being a mother

The modern housewife and mother: is it still allowed to be today?

Today, housewife is almost something of a dirty word. Daniela, 38, married, two children (8 and 5 years old) explains why she decided to do it anyway.

"Last weekend at a party:" So what are you doing? "Asked a woman with whom I had just had a good half-hour chat about our first CDs and tight dance parties." I'm a housewife and mother, "said I. And already her facial features slipped from her. "Well, you have your hands full," she replied a bit tormented and looked at me as if I didn't have all the cups in the cupboard. After that, our conversation was pretty quick completed.

I've got used to such reactions. But that doesn't mean they annoy me less. To be a housewife and mother is no longer of any value in our society today. It is often equated with anti-social, lazy and a bit stupid. Because which halfway intelligent woman chooses this voluntarily?

Does being a housewife and mother no longer have any value?

I. Fully aware. Not because I didn't have any alternatives. I had a job I liked in a research firm. But I wanted to give my children the best start in their lives. I wanted them to grow up full of self-confidence. That someone is always there for you when you need him. That they feel safe and secure and that they have one constant in their life. And that's what I wanted to be. That's why after the first year I didn't return to my job like most people, but stayed at home.

My mother was a single parent. She always had to work a lot, there was no other way. So I was alone a lot. I missed a closer bond with my mother. I used to be jealous of classmates who had lunch with their mom. Or those who yelled from their room when they were meeting, “Mom, we're thirsty!” And a tray with juice, sweets and fruit came around the corner. My classmates sometimes rolled their eyes and said, "Ohhh, she's really annoying." But I also secretly wished for a mother like that.

The modern housewife: It's also self-determination!

Some women pretend that my decision to be a housewife and mother is an insult to them. A punch in the face. As if I wanted to do away with all feminism. Feminism is about self-determination! About the fact that we can do exactly what we want today. And I don't want to have a career, I just want to look after my family. Full time.

“Don't you want to realize yourself?” Friends often ask me. Of course I want that. But I don't equate self-actualization with a 40-hour job, a great car or a lot of money. I want to see my children grow up. Every day. I want to show them how to tie a bow, comfort them when someone annoys them at school, and answer any “why” questions that come to mind. You have to be able to afford to stay at home. My husband and I have decided that we want to treat ourselves to this luxury. In the beginning we had to tighten financially. When our daughter came, my husband had just started his own business. But it was always enough for the bare minimum.

As a housewife and mother, you don't make any money

"Doesn't it annoy you that you always spend your husband's money and don't have your own?" A friend once asked me. And yes, I had a problem with that for the first time. But then I flipped a switch in my head. Because I work all day. I manage the family, the finances and the household. I'm the one who takes on the volunteer jobs in the daycare center and school and who brings soup to grandma when she's sick. I have a full-time job. Just not one who is socially insanely recognized.

I am a matter of course for my children. Because I'm always there. Because I'm not the mom who goes to work in the morning. I will never be missed. That's why I'm all the more annoying. I am the one who scolds, educates, complains, says that the children should clean up their rooms and distribute punishments if someone goes nuts again. That is exhausting. I don't like to be the bitch cow. And a "thank you" would also be nice. But I'll probably be waiting for the next 30 years. Until my children have children of their own.