How can I punish myself immediately

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Looking into the future makes more sense than the past

In challenging conversations, turn your gaze away from the past into the future as quickly as possible. Example: "What are we going to do to make sure you are fine during the upcoming break?" instead of «Who exactly did what?».

Leadership through perseverance, with a cool head

Lead with a clear line (but without punishment or reward): A good mnemonic is: "Forge the iron when it's cold." Work on the child's behavior while it has cooled down. So that the child still realizes that his behavior is not accepted, you can say: "Please come to me this afternoon - I will come back to it again."

Relentlessly demand the behavior you want - over and over again. Put the child's brain in a constant search for solutions.

Adults work together as one

In difficult situations it is important that adults work well together. Sit with your parents without a child and work out a common attitude with them. This is then communicated to the child together.

A more serious offense in French lessons, for example, is addressed on the same day by the class teacher, the special needs teacher, the school management and at home by the parents. The adult system shows the child a clear attitude - over and over again until the behavior changes.

What if the parents don't participate? If such cooperation between the teachers works, we are already at a very good level!

Make up for missteps

If a child causes harm, it should make amends. It can decide for itself how this is done. It is important that the reparation is appropriate. Tell the child: "Please come up with a solution by tomorrow."

Are you interested in the topic?

The Swiss Institute for the Prevention of Violence (SIG) offers in-house training courses. Many ideas are also contained in the brochure «Effectively defusing challenging situations». It can be ordered in the shop at sig-online.ch. Visit the website for more information and contact details.

Prepare well for the escalation

In quiet moments, develop lots of ideas for difficult situations with the children (for example: "What can you do if someone is annoying?"). So during the difficult situation you can only stand in front of the collection of ideas and go through with the child which solution currently makes the most sense from his or her point of view.

Experience self-efficacy

Establish the attitude that children cannot be changed. You have to come to terms with the other person. Tell the children that even they cannot change someone. You can only treat him differently. Expectations decrease and the children come to the conclusion that they themselves are making their own contribution to disputes.